I've recovered somewhat now. The other guys helped me through my little...uh... problem. I just hope they don't tell anyone. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the Phase I article first. -Squiffy
We now take a gander at Phase II. Contained herein are the keeners, geeks and brown-nosers who actually MADE it through first year. Naw, I'm kidding. They're cool dudes. These people are probably the people who refused to party a day in their frosh year, thus causing people such as I who want parties to have nervous breakdowns due to a total lack of fun on campus. We at erudition.com have hired our top spies and ninjas to infiltrate the outer jungles of rez in order to study and chart the behaviours of these people in greater detail. Results are as follows:
So there you have it. All our theories are confirmed and some of our fears have been abated. We can now all sleep a little easier tonight, knowing that the Phase II residents are (on average) as the graph shows.
We have heard rumors of a few supermodels hiding amongst the Phase II residents, although we are sure that there are many more in Phase III (see the Phase III section for more details.) For the most part, it would seem that there is little difference between Phase I and Phase II people, besides the even lower number of parties. I somehow doubted it was possible. Just think, my fellow froshies. Next year, we will be having even fewer parties than we did this year. Kinda sad if you think about it. In fact, it's really kinda pathetic. What kind of life will we HAVE next year? Sitting around all day studying and reading and doing assignments. It's enough to break anyone's mind.
*Editor's note: We apologize yet again, as Squiffy has suffered another mental breakdown. When we came down at 4am to check if he had finished this article he wasn't in his room. We found him in the basement, huddled in the fetal position, sucking his thumb and muttering "It can't be true" rapidly and repeatedly. In future we will leave fewer articles in his hands, as he seems to be highly... emotional. I suppose that's as good a word as any.
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